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THE DIARY OF JAMES COMEY: FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE
I was invited to the President’s suite late at night. Later than usual. It was about 9 pm. Surely not time to talk business. But I am a public servant. I had to go. I had to go talk to the President. Was my guard up? Maybe a little. I had been propositioned before. Did I fall for it. Maybe. Sometimes its not sure how much some good flattery will actually go over in your decision making.
But forget all that. I had to go.
BUSINESS OR PLEASURE
I entered the room to talk to President Trump. The room was slightly darkened. Lit only by candles spread across the room in strategic places. As I walked toward the table I could smell his cologne . Kind of strong I thought . Especially for so late in the night.
There was two champagne glasses sitting there. One for him and one for me. My momma told me about that. Be careful James she would say. People use Champagne at a business meeting to losing you up. Make you make bad decisions. Or they are simply designed to make you take bad notes to put in our diary. Darn it. How could he.
FIRST SHOTS FIRED
I thought about turning around. But Melania was standing beside him has he sitting there at the table. She was just looking at me. Slight smile. Her smile was saying, Hi James. Hi. Cmon in we were expecting you. Donald… He is not important it is just me and you. Come and sit down.
While I was reading Melania ‘s face , eyes , and smile I heard President Trump say Jamesss come on over we have been expecting you. Great to see you again have a seat.
No time to second think it now. I have to sit and talk about these important issues facing the nation. So I slowly and thoughtfully walked over to the table. My walk said vanilla white bread FBI director. Nothing smooth, nothing fancy, nothing friendly or a foe. Just the facts maam.
TWO SCOOPS OF ICE CREAM AND CAKE
As I went to pull out my chair to sit down . It hit me like a bag of rocks. President Trump had two scoops of Ice Cream….. And so did I.
James, the President said. Melania thought that you deserved two scoops of Ice Cream. I told her I don ‘t know if he can handle two scoops babe. Maybe just a half scoop.
An cake? Not sure if he really wants a piece of tasty delicious cake. We will just have to see about that.
As he said that Melania pushed away the cake and said. By James I hope to see you again. Frozen by seeing my favorite Ice Cream Neapolitan sitting there with not just one but two scoops and by the grace and powerful beauty of Melania pushing that cart with German chocolate cake on it. I could not say a word.
Snap out of James I said to myself. Grab a hold of yourself. You are the FBI Director. Yes every now and then I have to remind myself of that. I wondered what would happen if I took this tasty and delicious two scoops of Ice Cream from the President of the United States in a dark cold room. Just me and him.
Peculiarly I asked myself. What would Democrat leaders think about me taking two scoops of Ice Cream instead of one from President Trump?
But the other side of that same coin. If I did not sit and finish my ice cream than what would now President Trump think?
Yes I have been accused of many bad things in the past. Things involving HIllary, Bill, Lynch, and Barack. So I had to get rid of any evidence tying me to those dark days. No diary notes from that naughty time.
In light of all these things I have decided to let certain dogs lie.
Trump might fire me for not eating my Ice Cream but Obama and the Clintons….
So now. 6 months later after my private meeting with President Trump. After eating the two scoops of Ice Cream. It is possible that I am pregnant. More is going on in your government than you people know off. Russian collusion and obstruction of justice is just the tip of the ice berg.
No people we have much bigger problems. Spiked Ice Cream scoops in the Oval Office
So you ask how do I know that I might be pregnant? I feel Mildly Nauseous about what went on in this oh so private meeting with President Trump. I do not really understand what happened.
But since I am not sure . Maybe I was wrong about what President Trump said about me eating my two scoops and being Honestly loyal. I was thinking Ice Cream but maybe he was talking about something else.